


Hold me in your arms as I die

by Idk_hi_iguess



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Author Is in Denial, Episode s05 e13, Episode: s05e13 The Diamond of the Day, Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Its not as bad as it looks, Just angst, M/M, also Lancelot is alive, and sad, anyway, because they try and kill my son and ill just kill them, ha gayyyyyyyy, he reminds me of peter and i love my wormy he is my son, i like mordred, i'll add tags as i go, im so tired, its gay, not sorry, oh look thats my life, pure angst, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-06-30 18:39:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15757461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idk_hi_iguess/pseuds/Idk_hi_iguess
Summary: "Mordred, stop, stop this, Arthur is more accepting than you believe," He pleaded. the last thing he wanted to do was to kill him."I know what I believe to be true, for I am not blinded by love."It shocked Merlin into silence, and Mordred took advantage of that, impaling his side with the sword and twisting it into his gut.





	1. You are blinded by Love

**Author's Note:**

> There will be more chapters, so do not fear! And they'll probably be better so yeet I guess. (It was ironic don't attack me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Merlin!!!! Or any of the characters! If I did then it probably would have been even more heartbreaking because I channel the spirit of Steven Moffat sometimes.

Merlin made his way down the rocks, removing the aging spell as he walked and pulling off the tunic to reveal his blue top and red scarf. He felt his joints unstiffen and he continued with ease. 

Picking his way across the blood filled battleground, he felt as if a knife twisted in his gut every time he recognized a body that lay on the churned ground. 

From the light of the mood, he saw a figure up ahead. 

As they drew closer, the face of the boy he had saved all those years ago came into sharp relief. Mordred stood before him, dressed in the same chainmail he wore as a knight. 

"Emrys,"

"Mordred." Merlin nodded at the Druid, the boy caught up in something much bigger than himself, and he saw it as if a mirror had been placed in front of him, a mirror of souls.

The boy drew his sword and attempted a blow at Merlin's side, he dodged and held it in the air with the same deft talent he'd always possessed, long before studying magic.

"Mordred, stop, stop this, Arthur is more accepting than you believe," He pleaded. the last thing he wanted to do was to kill him.

"I know what I believe to be true, for I am not blinded by love."

It shocked Merlin into silence, and Mordred took advantage of that, impaling his side with the sword and twisting it into his gut. 

He jerked, like a fish caught on a line and the sword withdrew itself. The shock rendered him momentarily painless before it engulfed his senses. 

As if he wasn't in his body, he took a sword from the ground, how he'd ended up there he had no idea, and put all his energy into running it through the boy in front of him. 

Before darkness could fully take him, he saw a twisted smile haunt the features of the boy he swore to save. 


	2. A Sword Forged in a Dragon's Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur Finds Merlin and Mordred as he's looking for survivors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya know I said it would get better, well I lied.

Arthur patrolled the Battlefield, far ahead of his other men searching for surviving soldiers. 

It hurt to see men he had trained, men he had drank and fought and talked with, lying helpless on the ground, faces smeared with mud.

Just as he rounded a corner to what was yet another depressingly long stretch of bodies, he saw the instantly recognizable form of Mordred. It hurt, if he was honest, knowing that this was a war in which they were fighting friends and family, fighting people they knew and loved.

He left a moment of reflection for the boy who he turned a blind eye to him being a Druid and trusted that Morgana would not influence him; to the boy who had risked everything to save him, a year ago, at Ismere; the boy hiding in Morgana's chambers, scared to death, his father figure killed out of a cold, unwarranted, hatred. 

He remembered smuggling him out of Camelot, how late Merlin had been and the panic as they waited, watching knights come near to catching them. It hurt to recall, how kind and fair Morgana had been, how much he had loved her, the two enjoying a sibling-like rivalry. Pushing it to the back of his mind, he looked at the bodies around him, checking for breathing in two men with Camelot cloaks. HIs stomach dropped and he felt like he had been plunged in an ice bath at the all-too-familiar neckerchief and tunic. 

_He was supposed to be safe_

He swallowed, not daring to look at the man's face so that he could hold on to the last hope that this _wasn't_ Merlin, and maybe he could wake up from this nightmare. When he did look, sure as sure can be, the deathly pale face of his manservant taunted him in the moonlight. He flinched, shocked at how stonelike the usually animated face was. 

_He was supposed to be ok_

Pressing his fingers to his neck, he found a pulse, slow and faint, but a sure, steady sign of impossible life the corpse before him. Taking in the injury to his side, lifted Merlin up slowly, so as not to disturb the wound, and walked back to where the light signified Camelot's camp. 

"Arthur!" From the shadows, a familiar voice called him. 

"Gaius?"

"Come this way!" Confused, he nearly bumped into the old man, "And hurry up,"They went through a tunnel up to where a small bundle of blankets was nestled in a tree stump. "Put up a camp, I'll look at his injury," Gaius had now raised his voice past the horse whisper and was examining Merlin's side. 

He took out his feeling aggressively hanging spare blankets and fed three horses Gaius had presumably taken from the Saxons judging by the whip marks on their flanks. 

Once he had finished, he turned to Gaius, "Won't the Knights worry?" 

"I'll have you back soon. But for now, we have bigger problems."

"What? You can cure Merlin at home! Not here!" 

He stood up, facing Arthur dead on, "There are some complications that even I cannot cure,"

"What complications?" Arthur asked through gritted teeth. 

"The sword he was stabbed with was forged in a Dragon's breath. A shard from it was embedded in his gut and is even now making its way to pierce his heart. You need to get him to the lake of Avalon. The Sidhe will help him. Once he awakens he will know what to do, you just need to make sure he survived the journey." 

"And what happens if we don't get there in time?" 

"Then the shard of sword will pierce his heart and it will be a slow painful death." They were silent for a minute, "The journey is 3 days long and with the measures he and I will put into place, he will have 5 days at the most but much movement and stress will cause it to worsen." 

"How can I trust the She? The last time I put my trust in magic to save someone, I lost my father. I can't lose Merlin to my own blind trust," 

"You will have to learn to trust in magic Arthur. You must learn." 

"How can I-" 

"That is a conversation for the morning, for now, get some rest, I will wake you when Merlin is conscious and you will leave at first light." He left where Arthur was standing to go to Merlin, leaving him in shocked silence with his own thoughts to absorb the tide on information he had just dumped on him and giving no room to argue. 

Sitting down on a stump, reliving his life since meeting Merlin, he tried to imagine a world without him, one that seemed cold and uninviting, even Gwen lacking her usual warmth recently. 

Eventually, exhaustion from the last few weeks caught up and he huddled into a blanket as he was pulled into an uneasy slumber. 


	3. And so it begins

Waking with a start, he looked over to see Gaius standing over him with a small pail of water, most of the contents currently on his tunic. "Sorry, Sire, I tried waking you other ways. You should know Merlin is awake," 

He noticed that it was still dark outside, and the chill of the night air amplified by the dampness of his shirt. He noticed he was armorless, that must have happened at some point last night, he had a vague memory of taking it off after bringing Merlin to Gaius. 

Not even angry at Gaius for waking him in such a way, he jumped up and pushed through the sheets to where Merlin was lying against a log, face gaunt in the firelight. "Merlin..." he let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding and rushed to his side. 

"Hello, Clotpole," His words were faint and slightly slurred as Arthur looked down at his wound, Gaius had managed to staunch the bleeding and the dried blood stained the hole in his shirt. 

"You're feeling any better?"

"Yes, idiot, I'm perfectly fine, not mortally wounded or anything." He chuckled then coughed. Once he had calmed down Arthur gave him a look.

"I can't believe my manservant is so stupid that he managed to get himself impaled," He sobered, the full thought that Merlin could die sunk into him as the man himself lent against his chest, squeezing his hand, "You're not going to die. I won't let you." 

"I don't think you'll have much choice once death comes to call."

"Oh, you know me, Merlin, I'm as stubborn than a mule, I'll just tell him 'no' and we'll get on with our lives." He became suddenly aware of the weight of Merlin on his chest and the sensation of his hand on his. And he found he didn't entirely dislike it. 

Feeling tears prick in his eyes, he made to wipe them away, but before he could, Merlin reached up and wiped them away himself, which of course only prompted more tears. In a moment, Arthur had shifted and was crying on to Merlin's shoulder, something he had not done since his father died, it felt nice, especially with Merlin pressed up against him, whispering comfort into his ear. He had not wanted to seem weak in front of even Guinevere, but Merlin, who had always seen right through him, he knew he wouldn't judge.

When he finally sat up, eyes raw with emotion, Merlin smiled gently at him, "Now, Arthur, no man is worth your tears," He said, his own eyes swimming. 

"You're certainly not." The nostalgia at those words, it hurt, hurt something deep inside him. 

Merlin's attitude changed and he became deadly serious, "Arthur, do you trust me?" 

Arthur looked deep into his eyes, "I will always trust you,"

"Even if I had lied to you," His voice shook. 

He found he wasn't worried about what Merlin had to tell him, because what could Merin he hiding that he would hate him for. "Well, it depends what you had lied to me about?"

"Ok... so," He took a deep breath and grabbed one of Arthur's hands, holding on tight as if he knew this could be the last time Arthur would trust him, and he wanted to have something that he would remember.

"It's ok merlin, just tell me,"

"I-I..." He started sobbing again, deep heaving sobs that jarred the wound, "I have magic!" 

Arthur hardly heard him through the crying, but once the full meaning of the words sunk in he felt so much fear towards the man he would count on with his life, and it felt so wrong, because this was  _Merlin._

"I use it for you Arthur, only for you," He bowed his head slightly, and out of shame or devotion Arthur didn't know or care. 

"I'm sorry." Arthur stood up suddenly, the movement making him jump. "I'm sorry..." 

And he walked off. 

 

 

~

 

 

"Arthur? What's going on?" Gaius questioned him as he walked to one of the horses. 

"He's a sorcerer!" The corse whisper was filled with urgency as he grabbed Gaius' arm. The look in his eyes told him everything he needed to know. "You knew..."

"Yes, Arthur,-"

"Merlin can't be a sorcerer, I would know." 

"There are some people who believe Merlin is the most powerful sorcerer to ever walk the earth." 

 "Emrys..." Arthur breathed, realization setting in, as suddenly a hundred dropped weapons and spooked horses explained themselves before his eyes. 

"I know this is going to be difficult especially with your upbringing and experience with sorcery, but you have to trust him. There is an ancient prophecy that says that you and Merlin, the greatest sorcerer to ever live and the once and future king will unite the land of Albion and bring peace and magic back to the lands. You are two sides of the same coin."

"How can I trust someone that has lied to me?" 

"Because one cannot truly hate the half which makes it whole." 

He left Arthur alone with his thoughts again. 

 

 

~

 

 

Arthur entered the circle of firelight, not sure how to proceed. 

"I wasn't sure if you were coming back," Merlin's small voice broke the bubble of shock he was in. 

"Neither was I," He sat down, across from the servant. "Can you... show me?" The look of surprise on Merlin's face mirrored what Arthur was feeling. Of all the things he thought he would say, that was not one of them. 

"O-of course." He struggled to sit up as Arthur scooted over to help, still slightly wary. He raised his hand and said a few words in a tongue Arthur had only heard a few times. 

The fire glowed brightly and spacks above it collected to form the shape of the great dragon, it's wings flapping in beat with Merlin's breathing, sped up slightly with the effort of creating the spell. He was silent for a moment, then he breathed, "It's... it's beautiful,"

"I can do more if you want?" 

Arthur found himself wanting to accept, the mind everywhere, not knowing what to think, years of training fighting with his belief in merlin that he would not betray him, "Just don't exhaust yourself," Even though he was angry at Merlin, he wanted him safe. 

Merlin opened his palm and from it came a blue butterfly, wings intricate and delicate, it's light bathing Merlin's face in forget-me-not blue. 

"How can something so beautiful be so evil?" The question was posed like a child, base curiosity taking over.

"There is no evil in sorcery, only in the hearts of men." They sat in silence for a while, thinking. 

"Very profound, but you look like death warmed over, get some rest, we leave at first light." He made to get up. 

"Stay?" It was little more than a whisper.

So he sat back down and held Merlin as he slept.  

 


	4. Because you're my friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The journey gets underway (Literally a filler chapter, but its gay)

Gaius gave him a map to follow, in case Merlin was unable to show him the route. 

He helped Merlin on to his horse and checked his saddlebags for supplies. Gaius took him aside before they left and looked him dead in the eye. "Look after him, Arthur, bring him back to us," 

He nodded and mounted his horse, and they both rode off through the woods. 

As they left the forest behind them for a grassy plain, two Saxons in animal skins rode towards them. He saw Merlin utter a spell and a plume of smoke appeared in the distance. 

A  voice appeared in his head, “That’s our camp, it got attacked by a Camelot knight and his servant,”

“... What?” He said out loud.

“Shut up.” Merlin’s voice in his head hissed, “and go along with it,” 

The men were riding closer so he called them over, best to hide in plain sight, “Help!” He waved his arms at them, “Our camp, it was attacked!”

“By who?” One of the men said, voice raised over the wind. 

“A knight and his servant, I think, They bore the Camelot insignia,” 

“Where?” They stepped closer menacingly. 

“See that smoke,” He pointed to the treeline where the smoke was slowing dissipating and when they turned around, covered his exposed sword with a blanket, “They attacked us, wounding my friend and stole nearly everything, we barely made it away,” 

They turned back around and came closer to them, “Camelot knights?” The shorter one pulled the blanket off the sword, “Like this?” 

Before either of them could react, Merlin used a spell to knock them back, the power of it making Arthur stumble. 

“Did you always do this? When we were fighting?” 

He couldn’t answer, for the bout of magic had completely drained Merlin, his face pale and clammy, wheezing breaths laboring his chest. “Water?” 

After a nod yes, Arthur help up the skin to his lips and he managed to drink a bit, calming the wheezing. “Come on, we need to get moving,” He mounted his horse and they continued picking up the pace to reach a ruin before nightfall. 

 

~

 

At sundown they pitched a camp in a small cabin that was in ruins, most of one wall destroyed, but it had a fireplace and a semi-functional roof, so they deemed it good enough. 

Merlin talked him through making food, being too exhausted by the day to do much, but he still managed to be cheerful, joking like normal, and it made Arthur feel a lot better about the next few days, where he knew Merlin would be teetering between life and death. 

As he stirred the pot, he found himself saying,”I thought I knew you,” 

“I’m still the same person.”

“I trusted you… I still do, against my better judgment, and everything I’ve ever been taught.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” 

A moments silence as he knelt in front of him with the bowl and spoon, “Don’t argue. You’re too weak,” He began spooning the stew into Merlin’s mouth, and he had too little energy to protest. 

“Oh, look how the roles have been reversed,” Merlin quipped, and smile gracing his features. 

“You did this for years and never sought any credit,” Arthur pointed out. 

“That’s not why I did it,” He sat up straighter, Arthur’s hand at his back, “It’s my destiny, as it has been since the day we met,”

“I tried to take your head off with a mace,” Arthur smiled, remembering how stupidly quick Merlin had been,” 

“I stopped you, using magic,”

“You cheated!”

“You were going to kill me!”

“I’m sometimes glad I didn’t,”

“Arthur, I did this because of who you are, without you, Camelot is nothing,” 

“There might have been a time when that was true, not now. There are many more who can fill the crown,”

“Why are you doing this? I’m just a servant, just leave me here, as you vowed to do on many occasions, and get back to your throne,”  

“Don’t be so dramatic Merlin,” He paused, “I’m doing this because you’re my friend, and I don't want to lose you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hella short and hella shit but its a chapter


	5. Very Funny Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is depressing af

As they rode through the woods, the trees became closer together. It was slowly dawning on Arthur how unlikely it was for Merlin to survive the journey, it was only a day more but he was weakening fast, barely being able to stay up on his horse.

They made camp and slept for four restless hours before continuing on. He had begun to hope again when he noticed they were only an hour away, and that was walking. They'd be there in half that time with their horses. 

Merlin spoke up,"I need to rest." His throat sounded raw. 

"Not for long, we've got to keep going." Dismounting his own horse, he practically carried Merlin down from his and placed him against a tree stump, offering him the waterskin. 

He took a sip and coughed, dry, hollow coughs that punched Arthur in the gut, "Hey, watch it, small sips now." 

He stood up, straightening his back after the long ride. He just turned to look at Merlin when a force greater than anything that had ever hit him threw him backwards into a tree. Spots danced in front of his eyes as bile rose in his throat. 

_What was that_

He blacked out for a second and quickly jerked his head awake, standing up slowly and silently to look around to assess the danger. 

Morgana's lilting voice played against his ears, instantly recognizable from the years they'd played together in the Castle.  

It took him a moment to hear what she was saying but when he concentrated hard, he could make sense of it, "I've killed your precious Prince, and now I'm going to sit here," He moved as silently as if he was on a hunt, until her face came into view. "and watch you die until the wolves feed on your carcass," She smiled, the twisted, self-satisfied smirk that manipulated her features. 

He crept further towards her, grabbing the sword that he had dropped seconds earlier, and hoped against all else that it did something to her, even if she was only out for a minute. He rose it above his head and brought it down into her back. She gasped, jerking backwards and twitching in agony. He pulled it out, watching in satisfaction as blood poured from her wound and into the leaf-strewn ground. 

She turned to him, smirk cutting fear through his subconscious. It was chilling. "I am a high priestess, no mortal blade can kill me."

He somehow knew what to say, as if he had been possessed, "This is no mortal blade," Her expression filled with horror as she collapsed into him,

"Goodbye, Morgana," 

He lowered her to the ground, taking one last look at his dying sister before turning to Merlin, who was white and shaking. 

"What did she do to you?"  

His head shook violently, sweat beading on his forehead, "I don't know," 

"We need to keep moving," He turned, looking for the horses. 

"Arthur, she spooked the horses, they're gone," 

"I'll carry you," He pulled him up, putting Merlin's arm around his shoulder, careful against his wound, but he must have jogged it somehow because Merlin gasped, eyes widening, in pain. 

"We can't go on, not without the horses,"

"Very funny, Merlin," he ignored him, although deep down he knew he was right. 

He also knew that once they got out of the forest they would be able to get there in 2 minutes walk, so when he saw the grassy plain ahead that led to the shore of the lake. In the distance, he saw the tall, proud tower atop the hill on the island. He nearly started crying, they had all but made it. 

They were so close, Merlin was going to be saved. 

  


But only five steps later, Merlin collapsed, exhausted. 

   


  



	6. Though no man, no matter how great, can know his destiny

Only 5 steps later, Merlin collapsed, exhausted.

"We have to keep going, please Merlin," His voice broke slightly.

_They were so close_

"Not without the horses,"

_So close_

"You can, you can, just a few more steps," The weight on his chest felt crushing, making each breath painful. "I can carry you,"

_So very close_

"No... Arthur-"

"No."

"All my magic, it can't save me,"

"I can't, I'm not going to let you die,I'm not going to lose you," He tried again to pull Merlin up into his arms, but after he had given up, it was hopeless, so instead he sunk down, holding him, gently rocking him, pressing his forehead on the warlock's.

"Just... just hold me, please," He finally stopped trying altogether, tears seeping from behind his eyelashes. He knew it was futile. "There's something I want to say, I've always meant to say,"

_They were so close_

"You're not going to say goodbye,"

"No, Arthur-"

"You've done so much for Camelot, for me, the kingdom you helped me build, I can't just let you die,"

"You'd have done it without me,"

"Maybe..."

_So close to victory_

"Arthur, oh Arthur Pendragon," His hand reached up to Arthur's cheek, brushing away a tear that was making its way down his face. "Arthur Pendragon, you are so beautiful, Arthur Pendragon," he was fading before Arthur's eyes and there was nothing he could do. "I love-"

He couldn't finish, his eyes became unfocused and shut, some of the electric blue iris could still be seen.

_They had been so close_

"No! Merlin, no, stay with me," He felt his pulse, feeling for something anything, but when all he felt was the stillness of death, it was like everything in the last few days, the last few weeks the last ten years with Merlin by his side came crashing down. He desperately tried to shake him awake, "Merlin, come on, please,"

"There's nothing you can do for him now," A voice sounded from behind him and he whipped around, eyes wild with grief and bright with tears. Standing at the edge of the forest was the Great Dragon.

"You!" He looked around for the sword, and his stomach dropped to his feet when he realized he had left it in the clearing.

"I am not here to pick a fight. Merlin was my friend, I know what he meant to you and I want to pay my respects to the last dragonlord."

Arthur looked over at the dragon's wing, and piece clicked into place and an epiphany washed over him, "WHERE WERE YOU?" He bellowed, so much anger channeled into three words that it appeared to make the air around him ripple. "WHERE WERE YOU WHEN HE WAS DYING? WHERE WERE YOU WHEN MORGANA ATTACKED US? YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN US HERE IN MINUTES. WHERE. WERE. YOU." He was sobbing with anger, each jarring movement, it felt like it was being wrenched out of him by red-hot pliers.

"I feel your grief too, I have known Merlin as long as you, and his loss weighs heavy on my years,"

Arthur fell to the floor, feeling ashamed for his moment of weakness, trying to overcome his sobbing. 

"Though no man, no matter how great, can know his destiny, some lives have been foretold, Arthur, Merlin is Emrys, the Most Powerful Sorcerer to ever walk the earth, the last of the nobel race of Dragon Lord. Take heart, for when Albion's need is greatest, Merlin will rise again." Arthur looked up, a small shred of hope dangling in front of his eyes, "It has been a privilege to have met you, young King -  the story we have been a part of will live long in the minds of men." The dragon bowed and took to the skies, leaving behind a stunned Arthur. 

He looked back at Merlin, and in that moment he made his decision.

He was going to wait.

No matter how long it took, he was going to wait for Merlin.

 

He would wait.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment bc I'm a thirsty bitch


	7. The Second Stage of Grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oof.  
> Sorry guys.  
> Also Lancelot's fucking alive fight me.

Arthur pushed the boat out, his eyes filling with tears for the 4th time in 2 days. 

The man he loved was burning, the boat sailing further away from him, towards the island. 

He watched it until the ship sunk, then he turned around and walked away. He hadn't felt so much grief since his Father had died in his arms. 

Knowing he needed to get back to Camelot, to Gwen and Gaius, back to his people and his knights. He realized with another dull blow, that he had no idea who was alive or dead.

Was Leon, the knight faithful to the crown through it all, gone? 

Was Gwaine for all his chatter and cockiness, silenced in death? 

Had Lancelot died in the fray, one last push to save Camelot and Merlin? 

Oh God, how was he going to react? 

Three hours into his journey, he came across a village, they lent him a horse and supplies to make it back to Camelot. Before he went straight back to Camelot, he went to visit Merlin's mother. 

"Hello, Arthur!" She greeted him with kindness, her sweet face softening in a way that was so reminiscent of Merlin's sweet face. "Come in!" 

"Uh, I'm sorry, I can't, I need to get back to Camelot, I just came here to tell you... to tell you of Merlin's death."

She gasped, her hand going to her heart and Arthur felt so bad that he had been powerful to save her son, "He died valiantly, after killing Morgana, to save mine and any others lives. I tried to save him, but I was too late. For that, I will be forever sorry," He had tried so hard to make it bearable for her, but by the time he finished, she was being held up by two boys from the village, tears streaming down her face.

She let out an awful scream of grief and the boys helped her back to her house. He would have tried again if he hadn't run out of tears, so he got on his horse and cantered away, leaving the village behind.

 

~

 

3 days later he arrived back at Camelot, and waiting for him was Guinevere. "You're back, oh thank god, you're ok! Everyone was so worried,"

"I was always fine Gwen, but thank you for your concern," 

"It's been a week since the battle, where have you been?" 

"I was trying to save Merlin." 

"Where is he then?" For the first time, he saw Lancelot, Percival, and Leon behind Gwen. 

"Dead." He tried to get it out quickly as if he could make it better for them. "I tried, I tried so hard, but Morgana spooked our horses and we couldn't get back to the lake in time. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Before he even finished talking, Lancelot collapsed into Percival, who helped him with ease. 

He saw Gaius leave the room and all the knights that were collected in the hall turned to each other, each collectively mourning their friend. "Where's Gwaine?" He found himself asking. If anyone needed to know it was him. 

"Gaius is treating him, Morgana tortured him for information about your journey," Leon informed him. 

Turning abruptly, he made his way out of the hall, along with the familiar route to Gaius' chambers, determinedly not looking at the door to Merlin's room. He turned to the bed where Gwaine was sat, looking very confused. 

"You're back! What happened? Gaius walked straight into Merlin's chambers." 

There was no point in denying it. 

"He's dead." He was silent for a moment as he looked at Arthur in disbelief. 

"No... Merlin can't be dead."

"I'm sorry, I tried to save him but, but I couldn't." 

Gwaine buried his face in his hands, and when he looked up the looked the same way Arthur felt, broken. 

"Does Lance know?"

"Yes."

"How is he?"

"I don't know. I came straight here after telling the hall."

"I'm sorry. I know you and Merlin were really close," 

"Gwaine, I loved him, still do," It felt nice to admit it to someone. 

"I know, I loved him too, he was my best friend." 

 After a moment, the door opened and in the doorway stood Lancelot.

"Lance?" Gwaine looked over to where the usually compose knight stood, eyes crazed and teary. 

His eyes flashed in anger as he looked at Arthur. "You!" Arthur flinched at the malice in his voice. 

"You let him die, you let Merlin die!" He ran forward and threw a punch at Arthur who didn't even bother to dodge it. Lancelot was right anyway. "He did everything for you, gave up so much! He lost so many people, trying to save you! And all you were was ungrateful and horrible" Punch, "Sometimes the things you said about magic really upset him," Punch, "But did you care?" Punch, "No," Punch.

Leon ran into the room and together he and Gwaine pulled him off Arthur. After a minute everyone regained their breath, Arthur said, "You should have let him to it. He's right." His voice was hollowed and broken. 

"I'm sorry Arthur, I know, I know you tried, He was my best friend, you know?" 

"I know, I know Lance, I know." 

 

I know.


	8. Merlin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a doctor who reference in here somewhere

"And a slice of lemon drizzle," The customer finished their order and Arthur totaled it, took the money, then promised to bring it over. 

He put it down on the table, finished them a good meal and went back to where one of his football mates was making a coffee, "I'm off now, see you later, yeah?" 

"Yeah, James is bringin' his girlfriend and Craig's got his new roommate tagging along, says he's proper weird."

"Cool, see you then, we're down the pub tonight, right?"

"Yeah, see ya," He turned back to his cake and Arthur hung up his apron, walking out the door. He walked the familiar route down the road, something calling him to the Lake, he hadn't been there in a decade, and he didn't want to go back, but his feet were carrying him against his will. 

Looking at the broken tower, something in him broke, and he was running into the water, freezing in the November air. 

He charged in, tears he hadn't shedded in years falling down his face. 

The cold chilled his bones, weeding into his subconscious and causing him to shiver violently. It got too deep to stand and he swam further, just trying to reach Merlin. 

He wanted out.

He was done waiting. 

Just as his mind froze over, and he stopped kicking, he felt something grab him and pulling him to the surface. 

When he opened his eyes, he was back on the bank, with warm arms around him.

Blinking, he stirred. 

"Hello, Clotpole," 

 

_Merlin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit I've finished. It's finished. shitttttttttttttttttttt
> 
> Please comment and leave kudos because I require validation! Love your all, thank you for taking the time to read this xx

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are appreciated so go do that please I need attention.


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